Roots of Unbelief 1

It is about unbelief. But I can choose to believe. Choose to believe God is able. But that isn't it surely. Isn't it more about He is able AND He cares enough to be doing the best for me and us right now.

I sit here beside a farmer's field hearing the sheep bleating. Sometimes one, sometimes a whole load at once. But each one has a unique sound. It was quite awesome when they all go for it at the same time, but you can still hear each individual cry. God hears my cry amidst the millions of voices clamouring for His attention. This has to be the first level of belief. He hears me.

My life of anxiety revolves around what I'm doing (or not) and how that is supposedly fouling up God's plans for me. Somehow that my actions override those of the Sovereign One. But if I'm asking for things that He wants, scripture says that He agrees, and that out of His love for me, He will act at exactly the right time. So the second level of belief has to be that God IS acting, but in the way that makes me become more like Him in the process. To Glorify Himself. So my prayer becomes not "why aren't You doing anything?" but "thank you that You are on it. What are you teaching me, and how can I become more like you through this process? I surrender to your plan in this.". The belief then comes that He is acting. The belief comes that His ways are not mine. God is not a mini-Kev but a self-sufficient all powerful sovereign King. His ways will be and are better than mine. So my belief must become surrender.

So I have been engaging in acts of unbelief. I have listened to accusation and words of discouragement. I repent, and ask for the strength to turn my ways around. I surrender my thoughts back and ask for a clean mind, uninstructed by irrational misgivings that pick away at my view of God. Lord, thank you that I have been allowed to come to this point, so that my belief system is rooted in You, not me, not people, not the world. Transcend all of this God and destroy my idols, which have created a void in my soul. I seek You for the sake of knowing almighty God. Nothing else. My life must be pointed in this direction alone, pure simplicity in seeking after God.

Thank you for your grace.
Thank you for your fatherhood.
Thank you for your kindness.
Thank you for listening.
Thank you that you're on it, in it and above it all.

From one of your little bleating sheep.